Think we're crazy for offering basic web hosting services when it seems like every Dick is offering the same? Why, oh why, would we even think of competing with those Internet Bubble 2.0 businesses who practically offer to pay you for letting them host your site? We're not. But we'll still let you pay us to host your website. What's different about Jolokia besides our top-notch bandwidth from Internap and our cutting edge blade systems from Supermicro? Our humans.
We not only employ humans, but we feed them pretty well. We even let them do crazy things like respond to your email and actually help you when you've got issues of the technical persuasion. We know. It's crazy. Because they're hopeless geeks too, and don't really have any other options, our humans spend all their time—even when we're not feeding them—learning about the latest and greatest websites and technology for making your site cool and effective.

It's probably not going to win any beauty contests, but our control panel has the best feature set and the most active development and support available.
That's a nice load of MySQL to store your applications in! What more could we say?
No, not unlimited; If you wind up in the 1% that need more, we promise to sell you some at a reasonable price. We use expensive redundant storage. And even though hard drives are cheap, storage this nice isn't.
No, not unlimited; If you wind up amongst the 1%—seriously, 1 percent—that need more than this, there's plenty to go around. But this isn't just any old bandwidth, it's from Internap. If you don't know about their bandwidth, visit Google to see why they are the absolute best.
Ten is plenty to get most folks started. If you need more, we've gottem. If this bullet is starting to upset you in any way, you should go check out our Enterprise Email service.
If you don't know what it is, don't worry about it. But if you do, you know why we'd have to have this. Wink-wink, nudge-nudge.
And when we say "tons" we actually mean the quantity it would take to equal the weight of a full-sized elephant. We'll help you out with getting one going, or you can just install them yourself.
Farm-fresh customer service.
This is not the place for customer service in a can. The only thing you'll get from us that's pre-prepared is perhaps a suggestion to view a page on our wiki if we've solved your problem already. But that'd be our only excuse for anything other than hand-holding you all the way to the finish line. Otherwise, we're going to talk to you... and even listen to you. And because of that, you definitely want to choose us to host your site(s).
Skeptics be gone.
Still wondering why such amazing technical super heroes would offer this service? It's because we expect you to buy more from us once you get your website going. We won't batter you with the hard sell. But we certainly won't be able to help ourselves from mentioning all our irresistibly thirst-quenchingly great services. So, that's why we offer a great deal for site hosting, with real-human support—we shall open your world to new and better things that you will be powerless to resist.
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